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Love is a force that is both highly potent and easily weaponized, impacting all of humanity.
In the digital age, emotional predators only need Wi-Fi and a well-rehearsed script; they don’t need to disguise themselves or operate in a murky area.
A romance scam can target anyone desiring a connection, regardless of their age, whether they are 19 or 91.
I have witnessed it all as an individual who has dedicated a significant amount of time to observing the captivating, yet occasionally perplexing, world of social networks.
The digital realm reflects the complete spectrum of life, from the truly heartbreaking tales of deception to the heartwarming connections that blossom across continents.
The implications can be exceedingly high when it pertains to matters of the heart. No, we are not solely discussing financial matters. It pertains to the fundamental principles of human connection, emotional well-being, and trust.
Although we frequently associate romantic schemes with the shadowy corners of the internet, the narrative is significantly older than the first modem.
Consider this: the human desire for companionship, for affection, for someone to accompany them on their life’s journey is as ancient as time.
Regrettably, the exploitation of that fundamental need is also a concern.
Cunning individuals were constructing intricate webs of deception to exploit those in search of affection long before dating applications and social media.
The “Spanish Prisoner” swindle, which originated in the 16th century, is one of the most enduring historical examples.
A letter arrives, purportedly from an affluent, influential individual who is currently incarcerated in Spain.
They assert that they have a concealed fortune and, most importantly, an attractive, single daughter who requires assistance.
They require only a small amount of financial support to secure their release and assist their daughter in escaping to a new life.
In exchange, the recipient would receive a substantial portion of the hidden fortune and the hand of their lovely daughter.
The ingenuity of this scam was its dual appeal: the promise of a socially advantageous marriage and the allure of immense wealth.
It exploited both romantic aspirations and avarice. Tracing the perpetrators was exceedingly challenging due to the intricate nature of orchestrating such a scheme across two countries.
Although the methods have changed, the fundamental components—a compelling narrative, a promise of something significant, and a request for assistance—remain remarkably similar to those used in contemporary schemes.
More recently, before the internet’s widespread adoption, individuals implemented comparable strategies through personal introductions or classified ads.
Consider the “Lonely Hearts” ads in newspapers, where people with less-than-honourable intentions could target individuals seeking companionship. These individuals would construct false personas and gradually deplete the resources of their victims.
What unites them?
The shared thread is a meticulously crafted illusion of an affectionate relationship, designed to weaken defences and facilitate wallet opening.
In the present day, the internet has evolved into a vast, flourishing environment for these emotional predators.
Their hunting grounds have expanded to include online games, dating applications, and social media platforms.
The internet’s global reach and anonymity enable scammers to operate on an unprecedented scale, concurrently targeting countless individuals.
Romance schemes lose millions of dollars annually, with the emotional impact being incalculable. The statistics are truly sobering.
These fraudsters are adept at psychological manipulation, employing strategies that may be difficult to detect if one is not vigilant.
They frequently participate in “love bombing,” which involves lavishing their targets with excessive affection, compliments, and attention at the early stages of the “relationship.”
They create an intense emotional attachment that can blind victims to red flags and will declare undying love within weeks, sometimes even days.
Consider “Sarah,” a dynamic woman in her late fifties who had recently lost her spouse. She sought companionship and was lonely, so she joined an online dating site. “Mark,” a handsome fellow, promptly contacted her via message.
He claimed to be an accomplished engineer who was working on a project overseas, which accounted for his inability to meet in person. Their conversations were protracted, replete with affectionate remarks and assurances of a future together.
He was attentive, engaging, and appeared to possess a complete comprehension of her. Sarah experienced an intense romantic attachment.
Then, the “emergencies” emerged: a sudden medical crisis in his family, a business transaction that went awry and necessitated immediate funds, and issues with his bank account due to his international travel.
Heartfelt apologies and assurances of repayment were accompanying each request. Sarah, who was convinced of their affection, sent money, then more money, and even took out a loan, depleting her savings.
The emotional manipulation was so pervasive that she defended him despite her friends’ concerns, believing that they simply did not comprehend their “special” connection. She was emotionally devastated and had lost over $100,000 by the time she realized it was a scam.
Therefore, how do these online courting scammers operate?
They establish credible identities on a variety of platforms, although they frequently maintain minimal profiles.
A profile photo that is unnaturally alluring
They frequently employ photoshopped images of actors, models, or even stock images to create a highly alluring appearance.
A scarcity of photographs Instead of genuine profiles, scammers typically favor interests or animals.
Only a few acquaintances and relationships: A suspiciously low number of connections, acquaintances, or followers on social media can strongly suggest a fraudulent profile.
Residing or working in a remote location: Scammers frequently assert that they have employment opportunities that allow them to spend extended periods of time abroad, which serves as an effortless justification for not meeting in person.
Once they have successfully enticed a victim, they proceed with urgency.
They aim to rapidly establish an emotional bond with you to exploit you. “Love bombing,” or the “coming on strong” strategy, entails the inundation of you with attention and compliments.
After only a few conversations, they may employ pre-written scripts, such as “You are the most exceptional individual I have ever encountered” or “Meeting you feels like a divine appointment.”
A key tactic is to lure you off the dating site or app to another platform, like WhatsApp.
This approach frees you from the security protocols these platforms may implement, enabling them to request more personal information without any monitoring.
Crucially, they will almost always avoid video calls or in-person meetings. If you ask for a video call, they’ll have endless excuses: a connection, a broken camera, or an unexpected “emergency.”
If they promise to visit you, they’ll consistently have a last-minute crisis or tragic circumstance preventing their arrival, often accompanied by a plea for money.
This brings us to the most significant warning sign: the request for money.
This is the goal. They’ll start with small requests, perhaps to cover a lost paycheck or site membership fees, then escalate to much larger sums for fabricated emergencies like a family member’s medical treatment, travel expenses, a fee to access an inheritance, or an investment in a new business venture.
They are skilled at crafting believable stories and exploiting our altruistic tendencies.
They even use common phrases to manipulate: “I’ll pay you back,” “I can’t video call,” “We’re so alike,” “Trust me,” “I’ve fallen for you,” “I can’t wait to be with you, but…,” and “My bank account’s frozen.”
It’s a common misconception that romance scams primarily target older individuals.
While seniors are indeed vulnerable, often due to disposable income and a greater sense of loneliness after life transitions, the truth is that anyone can fall victim, regardless of age, background, or perceived tech-savviness.
Let’s look at the younger generations, often lauded for their digital native skills. You might think they’re immune, but that’s far from the case. The tactics simply shift.
“Bobby Brown,” as one scammer called himself, targeted a young reporter on Instagram. His approach was direct and flattering: “Nice smile,” he wrote, claiming to be an oil engineer from California.
Within two weeks, he was calling her “dear” and “sweetheart,” professing endless love. He even tried to prove his legitimacy by sending a fake ID.
Later, he confessed to being a “Yahoo boy” from Nigeria, part of a syndicate that uses stolen photos and elaborate scripts to catfish and defraud women.
His “boss” even provided pre-written dialogue for various scenarios, from oil engineers to military personnel, explaining how to use flattery and excuses for not meeting in person.
This “catfishing,” where perpetrators use another person’s information (like photos and personal data) as their own, isn’t always about romance; sometimes it’s for “friendship,” or even revenge or personal wish fulfillment. But the emotional toll is always devastating.
Younger individuals are increasingly susceptible to schemes like “romance baiting,” also known as “pig butchering.”
This insidious long-term con involves scammers building trust through fake relationships before luring victims into bogus cryptocurrency or stock investment platforms.
The financial losses in these cases can be astronomical, with victims often losing their entire life savings. The allure of quick wealth, along with the emotional bond the scammer builds, creates a particularly dangerous trap for the young and digitally active.
And then there’s sextortion, a truly horrific variant affecting younger demographics. Scammers, posing as attractive individuals, engage in explicit conversations and coax victims into sending compromising images.
Once they have these photos, the threats begin: pay up, or the images go public. The psychological toll of such an experience can be devastating, leading to immense shame, fear, and, in tragic cases, even suicide.
One can exploit even the everyday aspects of modern life.
Fake “sugar daddy” or “sugar mommy” schemes promise financial arrangements in exchange for companionship, drawing in young people facing economic pressures.
These are often thinly veiled attempts to extract money or personal information, turning a hopeful search for support into a nightmare of exploitation.
It’s not about intelligence or education. It’s about deeply ingrained human desires and vulnerabilities.
Scammers are master manipulators who exploit:
Many victims are going through difficult life transitions: divorce, bereavement, or moving to a new city. These periods can leave individuals feeling particularly vulnerable and eager for connection.
We all crave intimacy and belonging. Scammers tap into this fundamental human need, creating a fantasy of a perfect partner who understands and adores us.
When someone you care about expresses a dire need, especially a perceived loved one, your instinct is to help. Scammers expertly craft urgent, compelling narratives that trigger this innate generosity.
Scammers often try to isolate their victims from friends and family, making them believe that only the scammer truly understands their unique “love story.” They might say things like, “They wouldn’t understand our connection” or “Let’s keep this between us.”
Once victims realize they’ve been scammed, a profound sense of shame and embarrassment often sets in. This can prevent them from reporting the crime or seeking help, prolonging their suffering and allowing scammers to continue their operations.
The best defence we have against romance scams is awareness. Simply knowing what to look for can make all the difference.
If someone you’re talking to online comes on strong with intense emotions right away or pushes you to make big decisions quickly, take a step back.
Real relationships take time to build, and anyone who’s rushing that process might not have the best intentions.
Try to keep the conversation on the dating app or site where you first met, at least until you’ve gotten to know the person better or have met in real life.
Scammers often try to move things to private messaging platforms like WhatsApp, where there’s less oversight.
It’s also important not to assume someone is genuine just because they seem nice or say all the right things. Romance scammers are often behind very convincing profiles.
You can do a little online digging; a quick search of their name or even a reverse image search of their photos might uncover something suspicious, especially if their pictures appear under different names
Be cautious of messages that appear excessively promising. Over-the-top compliments and love declarations early on can be red flags. Sometimes, scammers use copy-pasted scripts that you can find online if you search parts of their messages.
Ask questions and pay attention to how they answer. If someone is vague or their story doesn’t quite add up, that’s cause for concern. It’s also a idea to check in with a friend or family member.
They can often spot red flags that might be harder for you to see when emotions are involved.
Always insist on a video call before getting emotionally invested. If they repeatedly avoid showing their face or offer constant excuses, it’s a major warning sign. And if you ever meet someone in person, choose a public place and stay close to home, just to be safe.
Avoid clicking on any strange links they send; scammers sometimes use those to install malware or steal information from your device. And perhaps the biggest rule of all: never send money, gift cards, or cryptocurrency to someone you’ve only met online.
No matter how compelling their story sounds, it’s not worth the risk, and genuine love will never ask you to pay for it.
© Mario Bekes. All rights reserved. | ABN 62 757 932 640 | Suite 6, 11 - 13 Brookhollow Avenue Bella Vista NSW 2153
